The new normal

Hey!  I called Dad after I got off work today and asked him how today had been going.  His response was, "The new normal."  I guess that's how we have to look at things now.  What used to be normal, isn't anymore.  Now normal seems to be nauseated and tired with a side of I-don't-feel-good.  Today Dad took Mom back to her GI doctor and they gave her some IV fluids because she was dehydrated, and ordered a slower drip on her "food."  Hopefully both will help, because Mom really doesn't feel good. 

Thank you for your continued words of encouragement.  They make me feel better and we're passing them on to Mom.  You are the greatest friends!

No new is good news...I guess

I guess right now I'm going with no news is good news because not much is changing.  The unfortunate thing about that is that mom just doesn't feel good.  She's nauseous all day long and doesn't feel like getting out of bed much.  Dad has helped her walk around the driveway once yesterday and once again today, but that's the most exercise that she's been getting, then it's straight back to bed.  Some of our family from Greenville came up today and she didn't even feel up to getting out of bed when they came.  Dad got ahold of one of the nurses at UNC and they told him to take Mom to the ER to get a full work up and try to see why she's got so much nausea going on, but she's just not up to sitting in the ER waiting room long enough to get back and get the work up.  They're trying to come up to an alternative that could work, so I'll let you know...

I've been meaning to let you all know where we are with our year-long sacrifices.  As I reported before, Staci is giving up fast food, and Chick-Fil-A has been working its hardest to tempt her.  Dad and I have decided on what we're giving for a year.  Dad is giving up soft drinks, and man oh man does he love some caffeine-free Pepsi, and I'm giving up buying books for a year.  I know books aren't a dietary thing, but I love books and I love going to Barnes & Noble and browsing books and picking out just the right one to occupy my time for a few days (if it lasts me that long).  I don't know about Dad, but this has already been a challenge for me.

I wanted to thank those of you who added some quotes.  I didn't get quite as many as I had hoped, but I really liked Patti Maxwell's idea of reminding Mom of how many people love her, so I wrote on lots and lots of cups, "You are love by ______."  I can't remember how many I counted, but there were plenty to keep her going for a while.

Since we didn't get very many quotes, and most of them can be kind of lengthy anyway, we were thinking that if any of you would like to write a message to Mom, you can continue to comment on the blog and we'll print it out on labels and put the labels on the cups.  We'll see how that goes...

Moms will be Moms

No matter how bad a mom feels, I think there's some instinct that doesn't stop working.  I'll admit that I've been a little more emotional that normal lately (I wonder why!), and the other day, something that normally wouldn't have upset me, did.  I've been trying not to complain to Mom about anything since she's got enough to worry about, but I called her on my way home from work that day to see how she was feeling.  She told me some of the crummy stuff going on with her that day and then asked me how my day was.  I briefly mentioned what had me frustrated, then said, "but I could have stomach cancer, be sick due to the feedings that don't agree with my system, and have an infection."  I'm pretty sure there were more symptoms that I listed off, but I can't remember them all now.  Before I could even finish, she interrupted me by saying she wouldn't have me go through any of this for anything, that she wouldn't wish this on her worst enemy.  She said she'd much rather be the one this is happening to than any of us.  So like a mom.  She's actually said that several times.  Each time we say we wish we could take at least a part of this for her, she says she wouldn't want it that way.  Every day for the last few days, Mom has told me, "Today wasn't a good day."  As much as she doesn't like to complain about it, she has said that much.  As I've said in a previous post, she's supposed to have four cans of the nutritional formula every day, and the last few days, she's been doing good to get more than one in.  They just make her feel so miserable.  Since I got home last night, she's only gotten out of bed for about an hour, whereas last week, she was out in the living room or on the deck or porch quite a bit.  I'm worried about her becoming discouraged.  So...

I had the thought that she just needs constant reminders to keep her chin up.  When Ryan died, as you can imagine, it was a very difficult time.  A great friend of ours, Robyn Dixon, gave me a postcard with a quote from Mother Teresa that says, "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much."  I think of that quote all the time when I feel like Life's giving me more than I can take and I was thinking the same idea might be good for Mom.  I'm going to try to get several inspirational quotes and write them on the cups she uses for the ice chips she occasionally munches on (like jokes on a popsicle stick).  That way she'll be surprised each time we get her some.  We'll also put them around the house for her to see when she feels like getting up.  What I'm hoping is that many of you will share with us your favorite quotes that keep you going when life is at it's hardest.  We're going to need a lot if we're going to surround her with them, so please send them on.  Mom's sister, my Aunt Sherrie, sent Mom a beautiful plaque.  I found it on the table this morning, this is what is says.

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer cannot
Cripple love, it actually
Makes it overflow.

Cancer cannot
Shatter hope, it actually
Clarifies what hope
Is for.

Cancer cannot
Corrode faith, it actually
Strengthens
Faith's convictions.

Cancer cannot
Conquer the spirit
Because courage faces
Cancer's affliction.

A few days late...

I know I haven't posted in a few days, but not much has changed for Mom in that time, and honestly, I've been a little on the busy side.  Mom's appointment at UNC went pretty well on Tuesday.  The staples were removed from her abdomen and the doctor gave her permission to take a few sips of drink every now and then, just for the sake of comfort.  Her throat has been very dry without any fluid passing through it and it's caused her to cough quite a bit.  Hopefully, even though it's not much, those few sips will help with that, and once she heals up more, she might be able to drink more.  It's going to go right into her ostomy bag, but at least her mouth and throat won't be so dry.  She was pretty worn out after the trip to UNC, so they stopped back by our apartment and rested for a while, then made their way back home.  Mom hasn't felt well the last few days, but she continues to have a great attitude.  I'm sorry I don't have much more to report, I'll try to be more consistent with my updates!  :)

She's had better days

One of the last things Mom said to me before Staci and I headed back to Raleigh was that today wasn't a good day.  She's just having a really hard time with these feeding treatments, they're making her feel really crummy.  She also got kind of anxious this morning and the medicine she took to help, made her pretty sleepy most of the day.  For some reason though, even though she was sleepy she also couldn't settle down either.  She was in the bed, then in the chair, back and forth pretty much every half an hour or so.  I think it's just going to take her body a little time to adjust to being fed this way and then she's be going to be good to go, but today...not so good.  Minor bad news...I forgot to take a picture of her new haircut before I left since she just wasn't in the mood to have her picture taken today.  Dad's going to take a picture once she's up to it and we'll get it posted.  Everybody have a good week!

LA, we love it!

Gotta love being in good ole Leland Area.  I've lived in Raleigh for a few years now and I definitely refer to my apartment there as home, but really there's home, and then there's home.  Leland is home.  I guess it's because there are so many people I love here.  Not that I don't love my Raleigh people, 'cause you know I do, but there's just something about coming back to where you've grown up and seeing the people who've watched you grow up.  I always enjoy coming home, but this weekend I'm extra glad to be here with my family.  I'm so relieved to have Mom back home and out of the hospital.  She's looking so good - she's able to move around without any help from us for the most part, she's sitting outside some and enjoying the fresh air, she sits in the living room and hangs out with us, and I've got to tell you...her new haircut is beautiful.  It was hard for her to sit up in a hard kitchen chair long enough to get her hair done, so they did half, she took a break, then they did the other half.  By the time they were done, she wasn't feeling very well and had to lay down, but at least she was able to get it done.  Meredith is always so awesome about coming to do our hair and we really appreciate her efforts and her patience since it took a little longer than usual.  Mom is also finding that the feeding treatments aren't agreeing with her system very well right now.  As I said in my last post, they were taking about twelve hours per session and it was driving her nuts.  So they were told by her doctor that she could do them more like meals, breaking it up to a can and a third three times a day (she has to have four cans a day.  Listen to this...there are 24 cans in a case, so that will last her six days.  One case is $125.  Can you believe that?!).  It seems like every time she gets a feeding she starts feeling bad (I want to say it upsets her stomach, but if you don't have a stomach, I guess it can't be upset) and has to go lay down for a while.  She said she doesn't feel like she's able to get enough rest anyway, so it feels good to be able to go and lay down despite the nausea and cramping.  Most of all right now, she's enjoying being with family and friends.  Even though she's only up to short visits, she has really enjoyed the visitors who have come by.  One thing is for sure...there's no place like home.

P.S.  I know I promised a picture of Mom's new haircut, but I haven't been able to get one yet.  I'll make sure to get one tomorrow.  Sorry!

What to say, what to say...

I find myself a little bit stumped on what to say tonight.  Last week, each day brought dramatic changes to Mom's condition.  This week, now that she's back to being fully coherent and out of the hospital, things are kind of leveling off and the changes are a lot less drastic.  I just got off the phone with her, and she's had a fairly good day, but she's still pretty anxious with all of the changes that have occurred (who wouldn't be?) and places that are healing a little slower than others.  She's also still in learning mode with how to manage her feeding tube and she's trying to figure out a system that will give her the most freedom possible.  The liquid that comes into her feeding tube is like a souped up version of Ensure or something like that and it goes into a tube in her tummy through a pump that slowly sends the liquid into her body.  It takes a long time to get her full dose (around twelve hours), and during that time, she's tied down with this pump and that would definitely make me antsy too.  Despite all of this, she's really glad to be home and she's really enjoyed all of her visitors.  She tires easily, and just in the short amount of time we were on the phone, I could tell she was winded from carrying on our conversation, but the distraction of talking to others seems to help.  All in all, she's doing great.  In fact, she's feeling just well enough that she's getting her hair cut tonight.  We have an amazing hairdresser who comes to our house to do our hair and when we told her Mom wants to cut her hair short, she pretty much told us to name the time and she'd be there.  So tonight Mom is saying bye-bye to longer hair and she's going to embrace a pixie haircut.  Right now she doesn't really have the energy to worry about her hair and if (and I know we're all crossing our fingers this doesn't happen) she loses her hair when she starts chemo, it won't be as drastic a change as it would be if her hair was still long.  Since Staci is home right now to help out, I've asked her to take some pictures so I can post one of Mom's new hairstyle, so everyone be sure to check that out tomorrow.  I'm sure it's going to look awesome!
I just wanted to mention how grateful I am for those of you who brought us dinner while Mom was still in the hospital, and to those of you who are bringing meals now at home.  Even though Mom can't eat, she told me how glad she was that food was coming in so no one had to worry about cooking.  It's such a blessing to have all of you for an extended family!

Home Sweet Home

Okay, I'm going to make this very quick because it's after midnight and this is the first chance I've had to do an update today.  Sorry!  I haven't actually been able to talk to Mom today, but when I called after work this afternoon, I could hear her talking to Dave on the other phone and she sounded nice and strong.  She didn't sleep at all last night, but she was still in good spirits today according to Dad.  She sat in the living room and on the porch, but didn't spend much time in the bed.  The home health nurse came by and got her all set up.  She had her first feeding tube meal since coming home, she's been able to take a shower, you know...all the normal things we take for granted every day.  She's had some visitors today and was able to enjoy them.  She's doing great and getting a little better every day!

And she's outta here!

Good, good news!  Mom, Dad, and Taelor are currently driving home!  Mom was discharged around 6:00 tonight and she's doing really well.  There will be a home health nurse who will be at the house when they get home and will help her learn to take care of the feeding tube and the ostomy bag.  The nurse will be coming every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the next two weeks and Mom will be coming back up to Chapel Hill on Tuesday for a check up with the doctors here.  We have to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time (sorry, as a Beatles fan, I had to put it in there.) We're all so excited to see so much improvement in such a short amount of time and we know it's due to hard work on Mom's part and all of the fasting and prayers that everyone else has put in.

I think the excitement for the day (beside the fact that Mom is on her way home!) was that there was a guarded prisoner in the room next to Mom's.  Crazy!  I guess convicts get sick too, but isn't it weird to think that this guy is trying to recover from something, but he's dangerous enough to have to be guarded.  Just very strange...

Dad and Mom had a talk today and he explained to her the extent of her surgery and all that was done.  She knows everything now, and her reply to this shocking news was, "At least I'm still here."  That's what I'm saying!  Whatever it takes to get you all better Mom!  So now that she knows, Staci suggested that we all try to think of something we enjoy and give it up for year to support Mom.  Staci is giving up fast-food.  She's on the road a lot with her job and fast-food makes things a lot easier for her, but she's committing to giving it up for a full year.  The rest of us are still trying to come up with something we can give up for a year as well.  We need ideas, what are somethings we can give up that will truly be a sacrifice go without, but not something unhealthy to give up?  So far I can't think of anything that will be enough of a sacrifice to me.

If anyone was looking for an address for the hospital to send a card to, you can just go ahead and send it to the house, she'll still love getting them.  I'm sure as she gets more energy she'll enjoy having visitors, just give them a call before you make any plans to come, that way they can let you know how things are going at that particular time.  Their home phone number is (910) 655-2724.  We know those prayers are helping, keep 'em coming!

Great Day!

I left the hospital happier than I've been in a week.  Not that she's been in the hospital a week, but things just haven't been so great for almost two weeks, so yes, I'm happier than I've been in a week.  Why?  Because Mom has made such drastic improvement.  When I came in today she looked up and smiled at me, she actually said hello, her eyes were nice and clear.  Dad went for a walk and Mom and I got a chance to talk for a while and it was amazing.  I asked her how much of the last few days she remembers and she doesn't remember most of it, besides the fact that it's been incredibly difficult, but as I told her some of the funny moments, she told me she remembered a few of them.  She doesn't know too much about her condition, but she told me she didn't think she wanted to know right now.  I don't blame her.  She's been able to eat a few ice cubes and that's making her happier too.  She's shown each of us how her esophagus makes a funny noise when she swallows, she's able to get in and out of bed pretty much on her own so she can go from the bed to the recliner as she needs to, she took a walk down the hall and back again, and she's had the last of her drains removed.  All she has in now is the spit fistula, her feeding tube, and one IV.  I wish I could remember all of the funny comments she made, but she was pretty funny tonight, and I remember at one point, looking over at Dad and saying, "Well, Mom's back."  We're all very happy about that.  I've missed my mommy the past several days.

Her surgeon came by again this evening and he said more pathology reports have come back and right now it looks like she's only going to need chemo instead of chemo and radiation.  She's still looking good for being discharged in a day or two, and when I asked him about post-op care, he said that he won't need to see her for about 2 weeks after he discharges her and then maybe again in 2 month after that. 

I think we're probably still going to need to restrict visitors a bit, she's just so easily worn out and when she gets that way, she gets a little more anxious when other people are around.  Tonight, the whole family was in the room and she knew she was getting tired and we kept telling her to let us know when she'd had enough.  Because we are family, she did end up telling us when she'd had enough, but I know she'll never do that for anyone outside of our immediate family.  She's also pretty sensitive to smells.  I put some lotion on this morning and she told me very nicely that smells were getting to her, so I just went and washed my hands again and we were fine.  Dad's also been trying to sneak around so he's not eating right in front of her.  He ate a Reese's Buttercup earlier and right after he finished eating it, she called him.  He came over and she immediately said, "Peanut butter?"  So we're trying to be careful and considerate.

I read to her all of your comments that have been posted and she seemed to really enjoy it.  I know at one point she made the comment that there were people posting on the blog that she hadn't talked to in years and I think it meant a lot to her that so many of you are praying for her and sending her your love.  Please keep it up, she's doing better than she was a few days ago, but she's got a long, long way to go and we'll continue to need your love and support.  We've had quite a few people tell us that they weren't able to get their comments to save on the blog.  I'm sorry about that, I don't really know how to fix that, but even if you don't comment, we know you love us.  And we love you.  Let's hope it just keeps getting better!

Midafternoon update

Hey everyone!  Just a quick update.  Mom's doing pretty well today, and her surgeon came by this morning and said he'll probably discharge her in a day or two!  Awesome!  She's been doing a little more walking and she's more alert, but she's also been pretty anxious.  As much as we have all been enjoying your visits, it seems like Mom becomes more anxious when there's more than one person around, even family.  So we appreciate your visits, but we were thinking it might be best to have it just be family (in a limited number) for the next couple of days.  Thanks for your continued support and I'll try to give you a better update later tonight.

Happy Sabbath!

Every day is getting a little better.  We kids went to Church this morning, then went straight to the hospital.  Mom spent all night last night in the recliner, but when we got there she was in the bed again and she was more awake than she has been so far.  She even told me I looked pretty today, so for her to use her energy to say something like that means she's getting there.  We had some visitors when we got there, too.  Our great friends, Lynn and Robyn Dixon drove up from Wilmington for the day.  Shortly after that, Randy and Ann Adams from Wilmington came up, Elder Keith Giddens, Brother McKoy from the Durham III ward, Darren and Logan Shipman from Leland, President and Marilynn Taggert from Raleigh.  Sadly, Mom got a little agitated and the charge nurse, who was someone different and much more strict about visitors, restricted visitors for a little while, so I don't think anyone else was allowed to see her.  I hope I didn't leave anyone out.

She went for a walk around the hallway twice again today.  She had a couple more drains removed, so she now only has one drain left in addition to the spit fistula (the bag her esophagus drains into) and the feeding tube.  As I said before, she's becoming more alert with each passing day and I think she's both annoyed with us staring at her all the time (who wouldn't be?) and concerned that we're uncomfortable in the hospital room (how very Mom-like).  Dad told me that a little while ago he had gotten somewhat settled in for the night and then Mom started sitting up and swinging her legs over the bed (this is becoming a frequent thing she's doing).  He got up to make sure she wasn't going to try to stand up or anything, and when he got over to her, he asked her if she was okay.  Her reply was, "I will be when you lay down on that cot over there."  Dad laughed and let her have her way.  He also said that earlier tonight he was trying to get a little snack in and he took one of those tuna packs with the crackers, pickles, and mayo in the room's bathroom so he wouldn't bother her.  She started calling out for him, so he set it aside, put a mask on, both because he's had a little congestion and he's trying to be careful not to get Mom sick, but also because he was tying to hide that he was eating.  So he walked out, with the mask on, to see what Mom needed, and she looked straight at him and asked him what he was eating.  He kind of chuckled and told her it was tuna fish and asked what woke her up.  She said, "The tuna fish, it smells awful!"  So there's no tricking Mom when it comes to eating tuna.  :)

You might have picked up that there's a bathroom in the room now (thank goodness!).  That's because Mom has been moved to a regular room now.  Whoo hoo!  She's now in room 4730 and the phone number is 919-966-1845.  Let's hope it's going to be a good week!

I think we had a pretty good day today.  As I said earlier today, Mom got in the recliner at about 5:30 this morning, she did a lap around the cardiothoracic ICU around 10:00 or 10:30, then got right back in the chair.  She was able to have some more visitors again today - Julie Howington came back by this morning and stayed about an hour and Mom once again turned on the smiles for her.  Around 12:00 Christa came by to bring us lunch so we could go ahead and start fasting shortly after.  Thora and Diane came up from Hampstead a little after that, and Dad told me that later on President and Sister Cottrell of the Raleigh, North Carolina mission came by as well.  Even if Mom's a little too sleepy to make much conversation, I know it lifts her spirits and ours as well. 

Dad was able to get 10 full hours of much needed sleep in last night and he came on back over to the hospital around 12:15 well rested and ready to be back with his sweetheart, and Mom and I were both glad to see him.  I stayed on a little while after that, but around 2 this afternoon I came on back the apartment, so I've been getting updates from Dad this evening.  He said she made a deal with the nurses that she would take another lap around the unit if they would let her get back in the bed and off they went again.  I just talked to him a few minutes ago and he said it's ended up that she's more comfortable in the chair than the bed, so they've switched her back and she'll probably end up staying in the recliner throughout the night.

It's so early

Well, we've had a pretty good night, for which I am very grateful.  Dad warned me ahead of time that I might be up and down all night last night and to get to sleep as early as I could .  Getting to sleep wasn't a difficult thing to do last night when I was as tired as I was, even if I was sleeping in a chair.  I probably got to sleep between 10:30 and 11:00 and I was amazed that I wasn't awakened (other than just changing positions in the recliner) until 3:30 when a guy came in to do X-rays and had to put one of those protective aprons over me.  They went ahead and drew up her labs at the same time so they wouldn't have to interrupt her sleep again later for that and the two of us were able to get back to sleep fairly quickly.  When I woke up next, if felt like it was just a few minutes later, but it was really 5:30 and Mom was getting very restless.  She wasn't exactly excited when the nurses decided that since she was moving around anyway, that it was time for her to sit in a chair (honestly, neither was I.  They put her in the recliner I was sleeping in!), but that's where she is now.  She's just not comfortable in any position, so I guess it doesn't matter if she's in a chair or the bed, but sitting up will be good for helping her when we starts coughing.  They said they want her in the chair for at least a few hours and then later in the day they're going to have her walk down the hall again.  As I said before, she doesn't seem excited, but she keeps asking me, "What am I supposed to do?  What do they want me to do?" so I guess that means she's at least willing to listen to orders.  And in return I keep making promises.  "It's gonna get better."  "You just have to get through this and then we'll go to a spa or something and get you a massage and a manicure and pedicure."  It doesn't seem to mean much to her, but I can't promise her great meals when she gets out of here or even a sip of water for a while.  I wish I could.  She's trying though, and that's all a daughter can ask for.

So, you must be asking yourselves...what do you do with yourself when you've been up since 5:30, your Mom's mostly asleep (she wakes up about every 45 seconds and asks a question, then usually falls asleep again before the answer is all the way out of my mouth) in the only recliner in the room, and you've got the whole day ahead of you?  Well, apparently you blog.  You know, I never thought I'd be a blogger, but here I am and I find that's not only a cool thing I can do to help everyone stay up-to-date, but it's also been sort of therapeutic.

So here's a little quick side note on me for you before I sign off again...  This morning, after they got Mom settled in the chair, I was making a quick trip to the bathroom.  As I was stumbling down the hall, half asleep, I just about ran right into a guy coming around the corner.  This happens to wake me a up a little more and I noticed that just beyond the first guy, is a very good-looking doctor (or I'm assuming he's a doctor since he's wearing green scrubs with a lab coat over it).  What do you do when you see a hottie walking down the hallway?  You smile and say good morning of course.  Well that's what I did, but he just averted his gaze and walked a little faster.  I was kind of thinking, "Wow, what a punk, he couldn't even acknowledge me?  Fine.  I've got bigger things to worry about anyway."  Then I got into the bathroom and I can see for myself why he didn't give me so much as a friendly smile.  After glancing in the mirror and do a double take and I see that I've got raccoon eyes from where the mascara from yesterday has fallen below my eyes, I've got sleep marks across my face, and my hair is an absolute mess!  I don't think I would have bothered to say hello to me either!  :)  What I think is amazing, is that with a migraine that's been off and on since Wednesday (and is currently on and not going anywhere!  Grrr!), my wonderful mother struggling in the cardiothoracic ICU and all of the mind-blowing changes that are going on with her, I can still notice a good-looking guy crossing my path.  I guess the good news is that I cleaned myself up some and when then next cute doctor came into Mom's room, he said good morning.  I'm taking that as a good sign.  :)  We're going to have a good day today, I can feel it.

Can't wait to see those of you coming to visit today and tomorrow!  Be careful as you drive!  We love you!

P.S.  Dad has made a special request that when anyone comments, please sign your first and last name.  Some of you are friends of us girls or Dave and Amber's and sometimes there is more than one person with the same first name and it can be a little difficult to know who the messages are from.  We love reading them and just want to be clear on exactly who is sending them.  Thanks again for your love, encouragement, and prayers!

One day at a time

Alright, day 3. Before updating on Mom, I thought I might just fill you all in on the family briefly first. Dad has been spending the night at the hospital with Mom the last couple of nights. His first night in the room with her, he got a pretty decent night's sleep, all things considered. Last night was a lot more eventful, and he wasn't able to get much rest, but he has had the knowledge of visitors coming this afternoon to look forward to. He and Mom enjoyed a nice visit with Mike & Laura McLeod and also Joe & Lois Carter. He got out for little while when Mike took him to lunch (Laura stayed and visited with Mom) and he was able to enjoy being out in the sunshine a bit. Anyone who knows Dad, knows what being outside does for him. He and I will be swapping out for the night so he can sleep in a real bed and get better rested. He's keeping a good sense of humor, and he's the same old Dad. He opened up a can of Vienna Sausages this evening, stuck a straw into one of them, and sucked it out. It was pretty funny, especially since he had a goofy smile on his face while he did it. He just didn't feel like walking to the cafeteria to get a fork, but Erin Wilson brought us dinner tonight (which was delicious!) and had some forks and paper plates, etc, so he won't have that problem again. :)

Dave and Amber had to leave to go back to Winston-Salem last night after their visit here when they brought Olivia. Dave went back to work for the day, they were able to grab some more stuff and they are actually on their way back to Chapel Hill as I type. They're coming straight here to the hospital and we're hoping for another uplifting visit for Mom with Olivia.

Staci is unfortunately feeling a little under the weather. She's mostly got cold symptoms and a little bit of a sore throat, so she's having to stay away from Mom right now. Hopefully it'll run it's coarse quickly and she'll be able to resume her visits with Mom again.

Taelor is here with us, and she's been great. She's missed school since Wednesday and she's going to miss next week too. I called the school and they're excusing her from all of it, so that's good, and her teachers are going to help her catch up on what she's missed when she gets back. She misses her friends, but she's happier to be up here with Mom and the rest of the family.

Okay, on to business... Mom has had more moments of alertness, but as anticipated, she's very uncomfortable and she's in pain. She's able to speak more clearly and her eyes aren't nearly as glassy. The swelling in her face has gone down a LOT, but she's still kind of swollen elsewhere. Not too bad though. She's finally been able to have a productive cough and that's helped. When I called Dad this morning to check in, she said, "I want to sit in a chair," very clearly. She was able to sit up in a chair for three and half hours. Big improvement. She wasn't very happy about it, but the nurses also had her walk down to the end of the hall and back with the help of a walker, and a nurse on each side of her to support her arms. Yay! Since I got here tonight, she's talked a little bit more, sometimes to tell us she's hurting, sometimes to just talk to us. She's been kind of funny. Like earlier, when I first got here, she told me she didn't know where she was. I said, "Mom you're at UNC, at the hospital. Remember? They brought you in a helicopter?" She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Well that's crappy." It was kind of funny, but I definitely agree. Then another time tonight, a new nurse came in to talk to her and she asked her if she knew where she was, Mom said, "hospital." Sarah (the nurse), asked if she remembered why she's here, Mom said, "hospital." Sarah asked if she knew what year it was, Mom shrugged and shook her head. Then Sarah asked if she knew who the President is, Mom said (and this is my favorite response, hands down) "a bad one." Again, I agree. A little later, Sarah was changing out some drains and had some of those little wax cups they put medicine in and somehow one ended up on on Mom's thumb. She lifted her hand up to the nurse with the cup covering the whole thumb and said, "Why is this here?" Dad and I both just started laughing and took it off, but all we could think of was Dirty Rotten Scoundrels - "Why is there a cork on the fork?" I guess you probably have to be here for some of this to be funny, but we have to laugh when we can. She's given us a few more smiles tonight. She was kind of stirring around so I got right in front of her to see what I could do and she opened her eyes, looked straight at me and smiled, then lifted her hand to my check. She's looked over at Dad and Taelor and smiled at them once or twice and Cy and Julie Howington must be good medicine because they're here right now and she's been smiling at them a lot. We are hopeful this is going to improve each day and before long she'll be enjoying the jokes with us.

As I said before, I'll be spending the night tonight, so as there is more to post, I'll do it. We look forward to seeing some visitors coming up this weekend. We also wanted to let you all know the address here in case you'd like to send Mom a card or something.

Pamela Brew
CTICU 2719
UNC Hospitals
101 Manning Dr.
Chapel Hill, NC 27514

A change of scenery

Good news! The breathing tube is gone! Yay! The doctors weaned her off of the sedatives this morning as well as the breathing tube, then when they were sure she'd be fine on her own, they removed the tube. It's so good to see her back without it. She's also been moved to a room in the cardiothoracic ICU unit. Her nurse today said he thought she's probably going to be in room 2719 there through the weekend. Another piece of good news is that there's a phone in the room now. The phone number is (919) 966-5368. This is great because, yes, we are running a bit low on anytime minutes, and also because cell reception isn't so great at the hospital.

Moving back to Mom, even though she's been taken off of the sedatives, she's still very groggy. She woke up when we came in today, but her eyelids mostly stayed at half-mast and didn't stay open very long. She woke up off and on the whole time we were there and she actually smiled a couple times. Once when I told her we were going to be her cheerleaders, and then again when Dave and Amber brought Olivia in for a few minutes. Olivia, who is already a great blessing in our lives, is going to be an even greater one now. Nothing brightens Mom up like Livy. I think the rest of us feel better when she's there too. :)

Mom's been pretty uncomfortable and she's experiencing some pain so she's been very restless. She's been throwing one leg off the side of the bed and just generally been kind of shifty. She's been trying to produce a good cough and it's been really difficult for her, so she seems to be frustrated by that and it seems painful besides that. She's still somewhat swollen, especially around her neck, but even in her face, arms/hands, and legs/feet. That will continue to get better the more she is able to move around. Right now she's getting all of these IV fluids, but lying pretty still in the bed so all of that liquid is just sitting there. The nurses helped her get the bed into a position that was pretty much sitting and that seemed to relieve a little of the pressure in her back and sides, and I'm kind of taking it as a good sign that she wants to sit. I'm hoping tomorrow she'll be even more alert, but with that alertness is probably going to be increased pain. At least she has a pain pump and she's able to just hit a button every so often when she needs it. Another improvement to look forward to tomorrow is that she'll probably be getting her first feeding tube meal in the evening. I personally requested she be served steak and potatoes. I'm just not sure they can make that into liquid form.

We have loved reading all of the many comments that have been posted to the blog. It's so assuring to know we are so well loved. We also want to thank those of you who have brought us dinner or who have made plans to bring us dinner in the coming days. It's so nice to be able to focus on just being together. Our family is planning to begin a fast for Mom starting this Saturday and if anyone would like join us, we would love to have your support in this manner as well. We know there is strength in numbers and power in prayers and fasting only increases that power. Thanks again and I'll try to get you all an update a little earlier tomorrow night.

Hello again! Well, Mom slept all day, which is a good thing. She woke up for seconds at a time when the medical staff came in to check on her and make adjustments or sometimes when we tried to talk to her. She was pretty quick to fall right back asleep, but a few times she tried to point out letters on an alphabet chart we made so she could communicate with us, but usually she was too weak and really, too sleepy to do much.

The plan for tomorrow is to taper off the sedatives so she can become more alert. They'll leave the breathing tube in but turn it down to see how she'll do on her own, then if all goes well, they'll remove it. From what I understand, she still won't be up to talking much, but she will be able to whisper. I think it will make all of us feel better to be able to know what she's trying to tell us and know better how we can help her. It's going to be a difficult day since we'll have explain all that was done during surgery. I for one can't imagine waking up and being told I no longer have a stomach. So please, please keep those prayers coming. I'm planning on working at least a half a day tomorrow, but I'll try to update here again as soon as I get a chance. Thank you for all of the amazing messages we've already received. It's kind of blown my mind how many of you have already commented or become followers to the blog and I can tell you my whole family was very touched by your kindness and love. We love you too.

Sweet Pam

Experience has shown our family how very blessed we are to have the support of so many amazing people in our lives. This is one of those time we're definitely going to need that extra support, especially Mom. Last Wednesday, September 29, 2010, Mom was diagnosed with a malignant tumor on the top of her stomach, close to her esophagus. This would be terrible news to anyone and any family, and though we have had our rough times, our family feels a definite peace that Mom is going to get through this and continue to live. That's not to say the road won't be rocky. Part of the hard part was there wasn't much that we knew other than she has stomach cancer. Yesterday she was supposed to have an ultrasound guided endoscopy to try to see the extent of the cancer, then she was going to have an appointment with a surgeon I work for as well as an appointment with an oncologist up her in Raleigh, then meet another surgeon in Wilmington on Friday to see what all of her options are. Unfortunately, yesterday didn't go well to say the least. The doctor was unable to complete the endoscopy because he couldn't get the scope down to her stomach, partly because the tumor was larger, and partly because the scope they used this time was slightly larger. The procedure was supposed to take around 45 minutes, but Dad was called back to her bedside within about 15 minutes. Afterwards, she began to experience pain in her back and sides of her rib cage, and after getting X-rays and running some test, they found that Mom's esophagus was perforated during the procedure. She was admitted to New Hanover Regional Medical Center, more tests were run, and the doctors there felt it would be best for her to be treated at UNC. She was air lifted to Chapel Hill last night arriving around 10:00 p.m. Our family gathered around the ICU waiting room and waited for news. Tests were run, and her surgeon decided surgery was necessary immediately, so at 1:30 last night, or I guess I should say this morning, she was wheeled in to surgery. The hope was that they could remove the top 1/3 of her stomach, the lower part of her esophagus where there was some cancer present as well as the perforation and then reconnect the two. If that didn't work, they thought they would probably take out the cancerous parts, seal up the stomach, then run her esophagus under the skin near her collar bone and out into a bag. We were really crossing our fingers for the first scenario.

Dave and Amber went back to Amber's brothers house to try to get a little sleep and make plans for Olivia to be taken care of this morning, and Staci and Taelor came back to our apartment to get what rest they could as well. Dad and I had an interesting night of trying to find comfortable positions to sleep in in the ICU waiting room (which, by the way, is impossible). By 6:30 we gave up on trying to sleep and just continued our wait. Right around 7 this morning her doctor came out to report. There was cancer in 2/3 of her stomach, part of her esophagus, and a part of her lymph nodes. They had to remove her entire stomach, part of her esophagus and reroute it as I mentioned before. They put in a feeding tube, which will be in place for a year, and she has five tubes in other parts of her upper body to help drain away fluids. She'll need to heal for six weeks, then she's going to need chemotherapy throughout her body and radiation localized to her abdomen. After a year, they'll make her a new stomach made out of part of her colon. She had two incisions - one in the center of her chest, and one kind of along the line of her collar bone. The doctor expects she'll be in the hospital up here at UNC for 7-10 days, then discharged. For today she's being kept sedated, and the breathing tube is still in place since it was difficult to put in and they were worried that with her swelling, etc, if they took it out they would end up replacing it and it would be even harder doing it a second time. Dad and I were able to see her when she came out of recovery and she was very drowsy, but awake. She was in some pain, so they immediately gave her something for it and also to help her sleep and I was so glad. I know this is going to be an incredibley hard transition for her to make and the days and months ahead are going to be difficult ones. It's such a comfort to know that we have so many friends and loved ones out there to lend us their love and support. We would welcome any loving comments to the blog that we can pass along to Mom and at some point, hopefully sooner than later, have her read it for herself. We will try to keep everyone updated on anything going on with her as much as possible and we're hoping this blog will be a great tool in doing so. Thank you to everyone who has expressed your love and concern to us and we hope to continue to hear from you!