Pam didn't go home today. They are keeping her again tonight for observation and CT scans in the morning. She was quite lucid today and its the best I've seen her in a week. She still has a lot of pain, particularly at the feed tube site but the nausea and anxiety are not quite as bad. We took a short walk down the hallway this afternoon and a little later I took her on a wheel chair ride outside to get some air. It was a short one but it was a postive thing. I am cautiously optimistic that she may be coming around. Still, she is not a happy camper.

Pam still needs a fan club!

Mom had a rough night last night - Dad went home to sleep and when he got to the hospital this morning he was told that she was very anxious throughout the night. Dad said that they just took a short walk and that she seems stronger today than she has been for a couple of weeks. She said that the site where her tube goes in is very painful. The concern over the fistula size still hasn't really been addressed, but it is draining okay (good) so it seems like the doctors and nurses aren't really concerned with it. Dad is thinking that they will probably go home today, but he still doesn't know because he hasn't seen the doctor yet.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Mom's still at the hospital in Wilmington (New Hanover). I'm like the rest of you guys reading, I hate to call and bother Dad with updates every so often and one night Lindsey found me reading the blog and said, "Are you reading the blog to keep up with what's going on with Mom?" :) I did just talk to Dad and there's not really a lot more to update. They did bloodwork last night and they put in a new tube a little while ago. They have also noticed that her fistula - the part of her esophogus that's outside of her body in the ostomy bag seems to be healing/closing up. Not good...Dad asked the doctors and nurses about this and they haven't really said anything about it. We'll keep you guys posted as we get more news. We do know that she'll be staying at the hospital at least through the night. And in other news...it's Dad's birthday today! Happy Birthday Dad!

Another trip to the hospital

Just a quick note...  Mom's J-tube clogged tonight.  Dad called Dr. V and was hoping he would admit her at UNC and do a thorough check up, but after waiting 2 hours for him to call Dad back (he was in surgery), Dr. V said he could bring her up to Chapel Hill, but he couldn't promise she would be admitted, or he could just take her to New Hanover.  Dad called Dr. Alatar and she helped him get her admitted at New Hanover.  So far, they've given her pain meds, something for anxiety, and they're doing some blood work.  They're going to keep her over night, but I don't really know anything more than that.  We'll keep you posted...

Oh yeah, just a side note...  Dad's birthday is tomorrow!  :-)

Black Friday

No "Black Friday" shopping for us. As Lindsey said in the last entry, around 7 p.m. Thanksgiving night, Pam's feeding tube came out. We had had some problems with it slipping out about 5 inches a couple of times during the last couple of days. I was able to "shove it back in" and tape it down those times. When I called her surgeon in Chapel Hill last night, he said to go to New Hanover Hospital and have them put it or a replacement back in. After the usual wait in the emergency room, a kind doctor reinserted it and stitched it down. Maybe it will stay put for a while. This one leaks a little and he tried a couple types of catheters to replace it but couldn't get them to go in.
Anyway, we arrived back home around 1:30 this morning. It's been pretty typical since then. Staci stayed up with her until around 5:30 when I went back on "duty." She's resting pretty good right now (9:00 a.m.). Thanks for your thoughts, prayers, and acts of kindness.

Thanksgiving

Well, I'll be very honest.  It hasn't been a good Thanksgiving.  Every time I come home for the weekend, instead of Mom seeming slightly better, it seems like she's slightly worse.  She's so weak, she's like an old woman right now.  She hardly talks and when she does, it's pretty soft.  She's not getting out of bed much at all, and she wants everything quiet. She's just deteriorating.  It's pretty tough to see.  I think all day we've been pretty discouraged and I just didn't even want to do Thanksgiving, but we couldn't not do it either.  So Staci, Taelor and I started cooking and worked and worked and worked.  Staci borrowed a turkey fryer from the Howingtons and she and Dad tried to get the turkey started around seven, and right after that, right when were kind of starting to get out of our miserable states of mind, Mom's J-tube (feeding tube) came out completely.  Dad called the on-call doctor and he told him to take her to the hospital to get it put back in.  It's so discouraging.  It just seems like she's never going to get better.  I'm sorry to unload, but we really need all the prayers we can get.  Hopefully, someone can just put the J-tube back in and they'll be back tonight, but we'll let you know...

Now since I've whined and griped, let me just say I know I have a lot to be grateful for.  I had to give a talk in sacrament meeting last week, and the topic was "Men are that they might have joy."  I keep going back to some of the quotes I used in that talk and tell myself to cheer up.  One of the quotes was by Richard G. Scott and it said, "Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness.”  I keep trying to bob, but right now I feel like I'm half rock, half cork.  However, I know that I am a daughter of Heavenly Father and he knows what me and my family are going through and he loves us.  I have an amazing family, who have mostly been blessed with good health, good jobs, comfortable homes, and lots of people who love us (just to name a few things).  And I know at some point, I don't know when, but sometime, things are going to get better.  We just have to keep looking ahead and counting on all of our friends, who give us so much support. 

Latest doctor visit

Took Pam to her oncologist, Dr. McNulty, in Wilmington yesterday. Chemo is still delayed until her general health improves. Next chance will be Dec. 20th. Nausea is still a major problem which leads to dry heaves and abdominal pain. She rested well yesterday after the visit. He decreased the interval between doses of pain medication and is treating her for motion sickness to see if that will help with the nausea. She wears a patch behind her ear that is worn by people going on a cruise. How I wish for those days again! The jury is still out on that strategy but we're hopeful.
Had a minor scare this morning around 4 a.m. Pam had asked for some pain medication and when I went to insert it in her feed tube I noticed the stitch had come out and the tube had come out of her abdomen about 5 inches. I called the "on call" number at Chapel Hill and to make a long story short, Dr. "V" said to just shove it back in. Hmmm. Just shove it back in. And so I did and we are back to the status quo hoping for improvements today. As of 5:45 a.m., she is resting well.

More of the Same

October and November just melted together and seem like one long day. It's hard to believe that we've been dealing with this since October 5th (and before). Every day seems the same until you look back maybe a month ago. From that perspective you may see a little progress but it is miniscule. But, progress is progress. Last week after some bloodwork, it was determined that Pam's liver counts are very high, between 400-500. A prescription change should take care of that. It was also found that she has "sludge" in her gall bladder, most likely causing the nausea. On Friday, we were sent to get an ultrasound scan of her abdomen. Results are forthcoming on that. Tomorrow, Monday, we return to her oncologist, Dr. McNulty. I'm sure that chemo treatments will once again be postponed due to her current condition. We are still very hopeful for a positive resolution but for now, Pam just doesn't feel well at all.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Hello!  Alright, I know I've been pretty slack with keeping up the posts, mostly it's because there's not a lot going on right now and with me not being at home with Mom most of the time, I don't know the ins and outs of her day.  Sooooo...Dad is going to start doing a lot of the blogging.  He's with her all the time, he obviously knows what's been going on each day, and he'll be much more efficient at updating everyone.  I'll still be doing some of the posting too, and maybe Dave & Amber, Staci, and Taelor will contribute from time to time, but for now, Dad will probably be doing the majority of it.  Just wanted everyone to know what they have to look forward to!

Long time, no blog

Things continue to move very slowly with Mom's progress.  When the whole family was home last weekend, plus my aunt Sherrie and Grandpa, it was pretty stressful for her.  As much as she loves her family and friends, having people around right now is something that tends to really bring on a lot of anxiety.  Her senses are a bit heightened so noises seem louder than normal and smells are just not a good thing.  When she had her follow-up at UNC last week, Dr. V changed her medications to some that are longer lasting in hopes that she would finally be rid of this never-ending nausea and help with all of the anxiety, but Mom just didn't like the way it made her feel, so she's gone back to her former meds.  She had an appointment with Dr. Alatar (her PCP) and things seem to be okay, we've just got to be patient.  Sometimes it's just no fun being patient though.  We're really hoping for some more dramatic improvement with Thanksgiving and Christmas approaching, so we appreciate all of the continued prayers in her behalf.  I know I'm not as consistent with the updates, but please know how much we appreciate all of the support we have received from so many.  I haven't forgotten you, even if I haven't posted anything new!  :)

Nothing new.

Hey everybody!  I know, I know.  There seems to be more and more days slipping in between my posts.  I just hate to tell you all that things seem to be the same, over and over.  Right now there doesn't seem to be much improvement/change and Mom has been so tired.  This may be weird to some people, but before Mom got sick, I usually talked to her every single day.  I'd usually call her on my way home from work and we'd just fill each other in on the day.  Staci is the same way and Dave talks to Mom and Dad pretty often as well.  Now, Mom just doesn't even really feel up to talking, even to us.  I've still tried to call her cell phone every day on the off chance that she feels up to talking, but it's usually Dad who answers to fill me in on what's been going on (more of the same) and to say Mom's not really up to talking much.  I think I went a whole week without talking to her and she knew I was trying so she put some extra effort out there and let me fill her in on my Sunday.  What's sad is that I could tell it really was a huge effort just for her to talk on the phone for a few minutes.  I'm so ready for this to get better and I know she is too! 

Aunt Sherrie, my mom's sister/best friend, and I email a lot (well I have to admit, she's much better at it than I am.  I'm terrible about checking my email!) and last week she sent me a poem that I think really applies to Mom situation right now.  She told me a little about it's author - a young boy named Mattie Stepanek who was the poster child for M.S.  This amazing boy only lived to be 14 or 15, but while he lived, her wrote some pretty profound things.  I thought I'd share this poem that Aunt Sherrie shared with me.

About Normal
Right, I don't know what Normal is anymore.
That's because Normal has been changing so much, so often, lately.
For a long while lately.
I'd like Normal to be Okayness.  Good health.  Emotional health.  Medical health.  Spiritual health.
I'd like Normal to be like that.  I'd like Normal to stay, like that.
For now though,
I know that Normal won't be normal
For a little while.... But somehow. . . . sometime . . .  Even if things are not Normal,
They'll be okay.
That's because I believe in the great scheme of things, and life.

Aunt Sherrie suggested that we change that last line from "I believe in the great scheme of things, and life," to "I believe in a true and living God who loves me, who will always be there for me, no matter how not normal my life may become."  All I can say to that, is amen.

The one other thing I can think to update you on for now, is that Mom's chemotherapy has been pushed back.  The original goal would have put her starting in a week or two, but she's just not progressing as quickly as her doctors had hoped.  She went to her new oncologist in Wilmington on Monday and that's when that decision was made.  She'll also be coming up to Chapel Hill tomorrow for a follow up with her surgeon (Dr. V is what we call him because he has a forever long last name that I can never dream of spelling correctly!) so he can check her progress as well.  I'll let you know if there's anything new to report tomorrow.